Australians, Pizza and Eternal Families

As I write this, an aunt, uncle and two cousins of mine are visiting the UK from Australia, where they emigrated to a number of years ago. A few days ago I got to catch them in Nottingham, along with some other family members, as they dot around the place, visiting family and doing all the touristy things they can cram into their holiday. It was kind of surprising to me how seamless the meeting was. I guess social media has allowed people to stay in touch, and thus familiarity was relatively easy to achieve despite the fact these cousins were, to all intents and purposes, strangers to me. To some degree, I guess simply having the family connection melts away a lot of awkwardness, particularly when you are grouped together (and eating copious amounts of pizza)

Not terribly long before that I visited my parents for a few days, and the rest of my siblings managed to coordinate visiting home too. My mum has an empty nest now that my younger sister is at university, and so she was very happy to have us all together again, even for a short time (or rather, because it was for a short time?). It was also great fun to gather as siblings, and play the Wii and generally bond in a way we don’t often get the opportunity to now that we are scattered from the parental nest. 

Reflecting on these occasions, I couldn’t help but ponder a bit about the Mormon teaching of eternal family. Many people, for various reasons, are strongly against the idea of spending eternity with family. I am incredibly fortunate to have a pretty awesome family, so the concept of getting to spend more time with them after death is an appealing one, even if I don’t believe in the afterlife. But the sticking point for me is the ‘forever’ part of together forever.

A number of friends of mine have said they like the idea of immortality, though in the more sci-fi context of uploaded intelligence rather than as a spirit. And I find myself with the same sticking point. It would be nice to see how things develop, particularly in science and technology, and I’m sure it would be rewarding to continue to learn, laugh and love. But surely, there would come a point where the things that excite and fulfil me would become mundane. I end up returning to the concept of value – the most fulfilling aspects of living tend to be, in my mind, linked to the fact they are finite. Much like the value placed on gold because there is only so much of it to go around, many of life’s experiences have value, to me, because I know the opportunities to have them are limited.

So when I am laughing on my parents’ king sized bed, united with siblings whilst playing the Wii, one reason it is a moment to cherish for me is that there is no afterlife in which we can catch up. This life is the only opportunity I have to share moments like that. There will not be billions of years ahead of us to interact until we are inevitably bored by each others’ presence. So when people ask me whether I miss the idea of eternal families, I will admit to wondering at times, whilst sharing pizza with Australian relatives, whether it would be all that terrible. But then in my mind, immortality comes at the cost of eventually coming to be bored by everything you loved. I think the late Christopher Hitchens put it well. Noone likes the idea of being tapped on the shoulder at an enjoyable party and being told you have to leave as the party continues. But even worse is the idea of being tapped on the shoulder and being told you can never leave.

There will be times in my life when family members leave, and inevitably a time when I leave them. This is a sadness I do not look forward to, even though in the latter case I will not be there. But I have memories, and future experiences to look forward to. And the reason I look back with fondness, and forward with glad anticipation, is in no small way because there’s only so many of them to go around.